Watching videos of Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras is wild. It looks like pure chaos. Just bar after bar after bar, music everywhere, people everywhere, like the whole street is one big moving crowd.

I get why people love it. I’m not trying to judge it too hard. It’s energy. It’s a story. It probably feels like the place to be when you’re in the mood for that.

But I can’t picture myself walking through that and having a good time unless I was drunk. And I don’t drink. So when I watch it, I’m not thinking “I need to go.” I’m thinking “How does that feel enjoyable?”

What’s weird is I actually do want to visit New Orleans. I want to experience the food, the history, and just walking around. I want to see the city when it’s calmer, not when it’s packed wall to wall.

And it’s not just New Orleans. Any big crowd thing feels like this to me right now. Football games, baseball games, concerts, anything where the “extra stuff” is half the experience. Traffic, parking, crowds, lines, more lines, and by the time you’re inside you already feel kind of over it.

I know this about myself because about two years ago I went to Nashville with friends, and we were in a cab going down that main strip where everybody’s out and it’s shoulder-to-shoulder. Something about it hit me wrong and I had a full-on panic attack. I ended up getting an Uber back to the Airbnb.

And honestly? The second I got back and laid down, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more relaxed. More at peace. I’m sure my friends were probably disappointed I dipped, but in that moment I just needed out.

I’ve been to games before. They’re not even that bad once you’re in there. But current day, where I’m at in life, I just can’t see myself having much enjoyment in it right now. Unless I lived right by the stadium or downtown somewhere and could just Uber in and walk straight to my seat. That honestly sounds kind of nice.

The funny part is, as a kid, none of that existed in my head.

I remember going to a Cowboys game in the 90s. I was a kid and my neighbor took me. I don’t remember worrying about crowds or lines or parking. I remember sitting there watching the Cowboys play Washington and it felt unreal to be there in person. Deion Sanders, Troy Aikman… all these guys I’d only seen on TV, and now they were right there.

Somewhere along the way, the event stopped being just the event. Now it comes with a whole package deal attached to it, and the package deal is what kills it for me.

I’m not saying never. I’m just saying not right now. I think the big thing is just making it easier on myself and skipping the worst parts when I can.

But right now, peace is more valuable than whatever I’m supposed to be getting out of it.